In my last column, I told you all I’d had surgery on my left hand to fix what was thought to be Trigger Finger. Turns out, after testing, it was most likely an infection caused by a bass fin spike. The locking of my finger wasn’t caused by damage to the tendon; the infection caused it.
It feels much better now, and while I was trying to learn to use left-handed reels — and will continue to do so because it aids in mastering some techniques — I’ve started focusing on some different aspects of the game. Really, I’ve spent a great deal of time this offseason working on my mind and how I process things during tournaments.
Speaking of tournaments, I fished my first one of the year on Logan Martin Lake. I had a good first day, slipped a little on day two and struggled on day three. I finished 33rd, but it felt good to get started.
On to what I’ve been working on to prepare for the Bassmaster Elite Series season. But to do that, I feel like I need to explain something about myself, mainly because of the “Little Ball of Hate” nickname that our Bassmaster emcee Dave Mercer gave me a few years back.
I’ve kind of gone along with it because, in a way, it does fit me. It’s not that I am mad at other people or hate my competitors, and it’s not because I think I deserve to be here and have a bad attitude. The truth is, I am so humbled to be fishing this tour, and I love what I do. I just expect a lot from myself, and I absolutely hate not fishing at the level I expect of myself.
I’ve had some comments about my demeanor or my facial expression when I come into the bump tanks backstage, or when I come across stage. I will admit; I’m not always presenting the right face. I am working on that as part of my offseason mental preparation.
But first, let me explain what “Little Ball of Hate” means to me. It includes a second aspect: “hate to lose.” I know not everything is going to go my way, and I’m certainly not going to win or even get a check in every tournament I enter. But I can and do expect myself to make good decisions and execute to the best of my ability.
When I’ve come back to the check-in, and I have not made good decisions, or I’ve broken off fish by not checking my knots, or any number of things that are in my control to avoid, I’m mad at myself. I’ll also honestly tell you I have always been the kind of guy who can’t hide my emotions, and if I feel it, it’s on my face.
Here’s the reality of how I see my career as an angler. I don’t do this for myself. I grew up fishing tournaments on Neely Henry Lake with my dad and my uncle Kenny. My parents have been there for me all along. Now with Riley in my life, she has completely invested in me in ways I never knew possible by someone not related by blood. I also have sponsors who have invested in me, and more importantly have really treated me as part of the family. I feel like I owe all of them.
I fish for Riley, Doug and Diane, my PawPaw, my uncle and my sponsors. I feel a burden to perform my best for them, and when I do something that I feel I should do better — things that are in my control — I feel like I’ve let them all down. It weighs on me.
My work this offseason is to try and realize that my family loves me and believes in me no matter what. My sponsors also believe in me and know that I can catch fish. They also know I will do my work for them off the water too, so I can feel comfortable there too.
I am working on maintaining my intensity as a competitor but feeling like I can go out and fish fearlessly. As long as I work as hard as I can, control the things that I can and execute effectively, I’m doing the best I can. By handling my part, I can return to weigh in knowing the rest is simply part of fishing.
My offseason has been about being the “Little Ball of Hate” without letting it define me off the water. I realize that I do what I love to do for a living. I’ve seen fans notice when I’m hard on myself and realized my attitude may cause them to question how I’m doing things. The truth is, I am so honored to fish for a living on the best tour in the world, and I want to honor that by giving my all — while ensuring my failures don’t make me unrelatable to others.
I expect a lot of myself but am working to try and keep it all in perspective
